On not being able to sleep when I should be.

I'm starting to think that I don't know myself very well.

After wine yesterday, I woke up before 6 a.m. I did a quick calculation and realised I had a conservative estimation of 4 hours of sleep.

I think I woke because my mouth felt parched. Believe it or not, random thoughts started swirling in and crazily enough, I lay in bed thinking that I should do my theory homework. It was a crazy thought because I knew that today would be a long day. Not as long as a typical teaching day per se but yeah..activity-filled and I thought that I shouldn't be up so early if I could help it.

It was impossible to go back to sleep. I have no idea why.

In the end I woke up and padded across the room, wondering what I should do with myself. Checked the time, it was 6 a.m.

Obviously doing theory homework at 6 a.m on a Saturday morning, after wine last night with only 4 hours of sleep isn't a good idea. I would be the first to call myself insane.

I'm not really sure that I understand how I work anymore.

That is the reason why I am sitting in front of a darkened room writing. Puzzled. While I try to figure out what to do.

Event at The Substation: 2nd June 2008

Buggy works in The Substation

BUGS <---> SUBSTATIONS

hmm....how..erm..apt..LOL

Anyway there is an event (HIS event, or so he says)...He was reluctant to outsource his coffee break to me despite my reassurance that there is minimal charge when it comes to him. Rather than letting me help him take his coffee break, I can do better by going down for a screening of short films and I should 'bring [my] students or homies' (whatever that means)

First Take

Date: 2nd June (Monday)
Time: 8 pm
Venue: The Substation (opposite SMU at 45 Armenian Street)

Admission: FREE

Details:

1. 20th Anniversary: Pak and Son Travels / 20 min (PG)
2. 2 Minutes Away from Launch / 3 min (G)
3. Di Manakan Ku Cari Ganti (Where can I Find a Replacement) / 16 mins (PG)
   

Anybody interested? I told Buggy I will go if I can find company...

Wherein I dreamt of Jac getting married.

It was a pleasant surprise to get Jac's call yesterday. The reason being that I dreamt about her the night before.

I dreamt that I was at her wedding and I saw her sideview from far. Someone, probably her hairdresser was attaching her veil for her while she faced the mirror. I spoke to her mother, commenting on how sudden it was. The mother agreed that it was very sudden, telling me that she just came back from Auzzie and told them that she was getting married.

I remembered wearing a blue dress. I saw the groom from far too. In fact all I saw was his back.

When she called me, I thought how coincidental it was and I was all excited to tell her about my dream. Jac started to question me about the groom...

"Er... I think he was average, with an Armani sort of haircut..short hair..I think he seems to be in either banking or finance."

"You don't know my groom?!!!"

"Ya...EH..I only saw him from afar... WAIT... how come you got married so suddenly and I don't know anything about it?!!!"

"And you are not the bridesmaid?!!"

"Ya..EH... How come I am at your wedding and I AM NOT EVEN THE BRIDESMAID?!!!"

Then I started to get miffed.

"You didn't even have time to talk to me.. you were ignoring me at YOUR wedding.."

It was quite ridiculous, given that I talked to her mother, I remembered that the wedding took place in a morning and she was dressed in a room with French floor-to-ceiling windows. But I didn't know anything about it, I didn't talk to her, I didn't know the groom AT ALL. I mean.. I didn't even know she was getting married till I was summon to make an appearance at her wedding.

And then I was sent to go make sure I see the groom, if I dream about her again. And if I should so happen to dream about her next stage in life, I have to make sure I see her kids clearly too.

(-_-")

All these work....ignored at her wedding and I am not even the bridesmaid.....

Sibu - Day 1

Rimba resort sent a mini van to pick us up at Newton. The family arrived just in time to pass my my trusty 'ole spectacles which I've forgotten to bring. I actually brought the spectacle case without the spectacles.

The ride was a little uncomfortable because there was little leg room and I felt closed in. Taking the window seat wasn't the best for me because it was dark and with the air-con not working efficiently, it was claustrophobic for me. I got around the problem by falling asleep. As I packed minimally, the clothes could all fit into a A4 plastic document bag and I used it as a pillow.

It was a tedious journey because there were jams everywhere. I felt the van speed at times and in truth, it was what that woke me up intermittently. I just felt unsafe...before drifting back into slumber again.

YJ shared his theory (gotten from his friend)non queues at the checkpoints which I am not going to share here in case the whole world gets to know about it somehow and it doesn't work anymore. Suffice to say that we put his theory to the test and at the Malaysian side, we did end up in a shorter queue.

I slept most of the way and woke up when we reached the jetty.

The midnight boat ride was exhilarating.

The entire landscape was in shades of grey, with the night a darker grey than the sea. The boat went fast in rather choppy waters and we flounced around. I gripped the edge of the boat with my left hand and felt the warm water caressing it. The boat was going so fast that it sent up more than just a spray of the sea. The moon was so bright, the sprays of water, the ripples near the boat and in its wake glittered in the darkness. It was hypnotic. It felt as though I was just in a little enclosed area, of a pool of water. The horizon felt so near and I had this almost irrepressible urge to reach out and touch it. It was like a call in the darkness and I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't a trip down the water channels of a theme park but rather I was in open sea, but a bit in the wilderness.

As we got there so late, it was low tide and we had to trek through rocky terrain in the dark. Granted that there were light and torches along the way, it was not strong enough to dispel all shadows. We had to walk with a firm footing and I still think that running around like a 'sam-seng' girl in flip-flops when I was young has been an advantage because flip-flops was the only footwear I had and throughout the entire stay on the island, I navigated everywhere in them.

For me, I guess the trick is to not put all my weight on the foot when I step down. Rather I tread before gradually increasing my weight on that foot. It's like normal walking except that the processing speed is a bit faster and you decide almost straight away how to curl your feet in or to mould the foot to the rock shape for additional grip. Flip-flops in fact may be better than hard soles when navigating rocky terrain as I can feel the terrain.

Anyway it was with much relief when we reach the place. It wasn't too far off. It's just that walking in the darkness made it hard. We were promptly served with sandwiches, even though it was 1 a.m. in the morning. And oh my, they were delicious. 3 slices of bread with thick filling and mayonnaise in between. Unfortunately, not being a bread person, my limit has always been 2 slices. Thus I was only able to finish half of the sandwiches.

When we were ready, we were shown to our rooms, or rather our huts. We had mosquito nets around our bed. I shared the room with Nana. It was an open-hut concept. The door was merely a sheet of plastic and our bathroom, though attached, had also a plastic sheet for a door. The entire place was made out of wood and as far as I could see, other than the toilet bowl and sink, as well as the bathroom floor.

This is YJ's and JH's room.

All the huts face the sea and the chairs are made out of solid wood. Even the clothes rack and shelves were made out of bamboo.

Well, the downside was that the place being quite close to nature and all, I found a huge insect on the plastic sheet of the door to my hut after coming back from YJ's and JH's hut. Nana and I stared at it for a long moment before she decided that it may just disappear in the morning and did a quick careful pop into the hut. Not so optimistic, I had to go scream for YJ to remove it.

YJ removed the brown large exoskeletal weird thing with his hands, of which I am freaking impressed of. It was about the size of a cockroach. If I were with Gan, she would just tell me to ignore it or at most she will remove the thing with a stick or a leaf, that is after she takes zillion of pictures, a video and declaring countless times how cute the weird monster is. She may not remove it with her bare hands.......if it is weird enough because she will think that it may be poisonous....and will just keep reiterating in her no-nonsense tone for me to leave it alone even though it is possible that she may be scared of it too. *SNIFFS...lolz..

If she actually removes it, it will be due to my incessant whining. If it is a good day when her tolerance level is like freaking high, I will have to be stuck with fighting the mental image of weird insects attaching to my face and trying to bore a hole through with acidic chomps....

I blame it on watching too many "The Mummy" and its sequels with their scarab beetles.

YJ and Gan are quite alike in many ways..does long treks, loves nature...hmm so who is better to have on nature trips?......Gan is lovely but YJ removes stuff with bare hands with no questions asked !!! Haha....ok..rather I don't have to whine too hard and not know for sure if it is going to disappear.

Gan.. will you have removed that horrid weird thing? Does YJ have more guts than you?!!!

(A challenge in the event that I find myself in a similar situation, with her..=P)

I mean it is not like it is on the verandah or something, it is on the plastic sheet that has to be flipped open when we enter. What if the thing flies to my face or something....*shudders

However I must say that I am definitely not the type of girl to fall in a swoon whenever I see an insect. I am fine with them...(even if they are weird) as long as they know their place and maintain a respectable distance and not try to be funny. If it was on the wall beside the plastic sheet, resting there quietly, it would be ok...just not on the plastic flap of my door. Our hut attracted various sort of insects, like mozzies (plenty) and even moths and dragonflies...oh as well as lizards (plenty) and we all cohabit fine and well together.

Anyway our place had no hot water. The drainage isn't fantastic but it works. I think YJ and JH had no problem with theirs' at all. The water comes from the ground. It is potable and tastes sweet.

As there was no hot water available at 2 a.m. in the morning and Nana didn't mind sharing the bed with stinky me, I didn't bathe (I didn't perspire that much anyway)...Nana bathed and yup.. then we slumbered....

Back from Sibu

I'm back from my trip.

However I cannot type really well now because I have 2 cuts on two of my fingertips and at least one small gouge on my left thumb.

I also have 3 cuts on the sole of my feet and a bit of scratches on one of my outer left ankle and one stinging one on the inner right ankle.

Still I must admit I fared the best out of the group.

It has been a rather eventful trip, I must say, with huge waves, perverted lizards..being stranded on hot sharp stones which burn, cut and slices, along with stuff like being surrounded by menacing jellyfishes....from all around.

I STILL SHUDDER AT THE THOUGHT.

Details later...People who play the piano know how tender the fingers can get (as opposed to playing the erhu or the guitar)

My poor fingers. *SOBS

Food is filling up my life

Remember the instant Japanese curry mix I got?

I decided to cook it. Instructions were fairly simple, just put it in boiling water for a few minutes and then pour out the contents to rice.

Basically, vegetables such as carrots and potatoes (I think) are included, so it will be good alone with rice. However I added meat by simply slicing it and grilling it before I poured the sauce over. Lun did this before, for the SEC by using cutlets I think, so the alternative will be to fry the cutlets?

Anyway I mixed it all up and started eating before I remembered to take the picture, so it doesn't exactly look appetising here but trust me, it tastes better than it looks. After all, it is idiot-proof-instant-mix, you can hardly go wrong.

The only problem is that it is slightly more time-consuming than instant noodles. It definitely costs more and I cannot say that it is healthier. But it's different if I want something more to do rather than popping in a packet of noodles into the water.

Anyway, for dinner, the mother marinated chicken and sprinkled some herbs onto the chicken and left it in the fridge under clingwrap. My job was to pop it in the oven for grilling.

I took out the chicken to thaw for a bit as putting it into the oven straight away takes up more heat and uses more unnecessary energy. However, don't leave it for the entire afternoon as it could spoil.

Grilling is quite healthy. You cannot imagine the puddle of oil that came from the chicken itself. Can you imagine how much oil is ingested if the chicken was deep-fried? *shudders...Not that I am adverse to fried stuff, I still eat them. However, I believe in not taking in oil and fats when it is not necessary.

Gan is also back. I needed to return her a book and I asked if she wanted to borrow anything. Upon searching my shelves, I realise I need to re-organise them. This is only one shelf, mostly for classics..

Yup, so we met up for an early supper since she had to work tomorrow. Xiao Long Pau was no more...*SOBS, so we had to cross the road to the shophouses and settled for a HongKong-concept cafe. Like Fish, she had the Lemon-honey but the glass isn't as pretty.

I had tea....=P
and of course we ate stuff but I forgot to take pictures. Anyway those are just random pictures, I am awfully trigger-happy these past few days. MOSTLY because I just have less things to do now and I need to find more things to fill my time so that the days don't stretch too long. Taking pictures is a good 'filler activity'.

Another reason why we met up was because Gan just came back from Brisbane and she brought back a whole bag of goodies with her. One full Standard Chartered marathon gym bag. Need I say more? She spent like more than 100 SGD on food alone and she said that I can pick what I want out of that bag..

=D

I got my Choya !! And I am happy even though it is not free..LOL

Other goodies that I 'ka-pok' out of her bag include the lemon cheesecake slice biscuits and the Cinnamon & Apple tea (I have yet to see in in Singapore). The satchets of tea and coffee was what Gan threw into the backseat of the car..LOL

There is a reason why Gan is good as a pseudo boyfriend. The minute she opened her bag, she tossed me the Bailey's flavoured chocolate and told me they are for me...and a whole bag of them at that....It has the Chups' name written all over it. =D

Who needs boyfriends when you have one of the greatest girlfriends who gets you stuff like Bailey's-filled chocolate?!!

I don't think anybody at this present moment can read me so well. I'm like dreadfully happy with my lemon cheesecake flavoured biscuits, cinnamon and apple tea, my one big bottle of Choya and my Bailey's chocolate. They have my favourite food elements in them, like cheesecake, cinnamon....chocolate.....MMMMMMMMM.. and trust me.. It's almost heaven when you get to rummage through that BIG bag of goodies like a pack rat.

So that means more running....who cares when I can eat them?!!

And they are all MINE !!!

MINE !!!!!

*CACKLES WITH JOY !!!!

The end of practicum

Practicum was not easy. We worked in our little room. But now, like what Za said, I will never be able to be around that area without feeling the presence of their presence.

The laughters and tears echo in the corridors and resound in the room. Our mess, our stress, our fears, our bond, the lining that joins us all, have all been etched into the surroundings.

I will traverse the hallways, hearing their voices, hearing laughters, hearing tears, hearing the support, with the weight of the memories tied to my heart, I will gladly bear.

Eating the favourite "kueh-chi" together...where we were allowed to be ourselves and accepted for who we are...

The "lup-kopi" sessions....


In a certain way, we belong to each other.

Who could ever imagine that the end can be so simple and yet so difficult?


The pattering footsteps of Rinchen, the bear dances of a duckie, the robust laughter of Gab, the exasperation that Jojo brings, the many questions of Grace......I will....

My heart will hear everything that my ears does not. My heart will strain to hear them and perhaps when all is quiet, perhaps I would turn and catch a glimpse of a heel disappearing around the corner, hear an echo of a laughter, see the shadow of a dancing bear and I will remember and smile softly to myself.

Memories scent the air. I will step back into time with every crossing of the threshold, the closing of doors.

Halls, classrooms, the parade square...they will never be the same again.

These people..............are worth every tear I shed for the parting. Other than the 8 of us, Dean, Intan, Nurus and John (who is not here)....they have all made a tough experience priceless, so much so that I'm sorry to see them go.

I'm sorry it came to an end.

But, even though I will miss them very much, I know these stars have gone elsewhere to shine and give their light and warmth to those that need them even more than I do.

28/2/08 - 9/5/08

Practicum.
10 weeks of training.
A lifetime of friendship.

Thank you for being there when I needed you.

Not able to sleep...

Didn't do much today.

Doing too little, sleeping too much, results in the inability to sleep at midnight.

I drove the parents to NTUC in the evening as the mother wanted to make use of her vouchers. I headed for everything I wanted and dropped them into the basket I helped to carry. I dropped a bottle of Choya in. I love Choya. It is one of the early favourites, when I hit legal drinking age.

However the bottle of Choya had gone missing.

I think the mother hid it. (-_-")

Other than Tiger and Sheridan's, there is nothing else.

And after battling the inferno from outside and then spending the next few hours next to the oven baking.....I don't want Sherridan's and hot coffee (which is how I usually drink it)

I cannot open another bottle and risk the mother's wrath of taking up fridge space..... She was complaining a few weeks ago that we have juice, milk and that Sheridan's in the fridge. Never mind that the weather is hot and we need variety. The mother can get easily agitated when the fridge's space is taken up by non-essentials. And we have a really small fridge because long ago, they built them tiny and to last. Our tiny fridge is as old as I am.

But that's something for another time...anyway so I was left with Tiger...beer. (-_-")

It would be good for me to drink because....work has slowed to a crawl and less work wreaks havoc on diet and sleeping hours. I've been feeling the urge to eat, only to have food placed in front of me before I realise I have no appetite. Not only that, the intake of food has lessened. I can barely finish a bowl of standard foodcourt fare. Trust me, I was shocked when I couldn't finish my bowl of noodles, especially when I was in a bad mood earlier because I was ravenous. Last week, after the bout of viral thing I caught, I've also realised that two slices of bread can last me more than 8 hours when previously I could eat every 2-3 hours.

My bed-time has also gotten later. This is bad because I still need to wake up early on weekdays. And I am really the type of people who needs to really sleep a lot before the brain can function at optimum processing speed. But not working till I'm exhausted means I really cannot sleep.

And trust me, there are only so many teddy bears and jewellery stuff and 'you-tubing' I can do. In fact, I'm bored already after spending the entire of last night 'you-tubing'.

Ok I admit it. I like variety in life and I get easily bored. But hey..I AM a Gemini.

And so even though I really don't feel much like beer, I'm taking large swigs of it. Hopefully I will start feeling sleepy at 1 a.m. and not like 3 a.m.

I would actually have ran just now except that the heat is really stopping me. The weather is simply crazy. But then so was I just now, to actually decide to try out baking in that new oven that I've just coerced the mother to buy. But I was REALLY bored.

The oven was too small so I could only make little batches at a time. I ended up reading while waiting for each batch to be finish so that I could pop the next one in.

And I was sitting in the corner as shown in the picture.

As you can see, I must have been very bored to actually take pictures while baking cookies. Anyway while I was baking, I figured that someone is going to have to finish those cookies.

Here's Sheridan's. This picture was taken quite a while back. I bought this because I thought it was interesting to have both the coffee layered liquour and the cream come out at the same time. Oh and it does...in fact one of my greatest kick out of it is seeing the black and white pour out together. It's quite close to Bailey's but unlike Bailey's I never did acquire a taste for it on the rocks. I pour this in my coffee for one of those sunny afternoons when I have a good book by my side. As you can see, there is still quite a fair bit left. I don't think anybody in this house is a fan of Sheridan's.

And I bought it only to realise I've outgrown stuff like Bailey's and Sheridan's, which is a crying shame actually because I still have to finish the entire bottle...and as time passes, it is beginning to seem like I have to finish it all by myself, preferably before it expires....so if the SEC wants me to bring this bottle for any gatherings....let me know...I just poured this into my coffee last week, it's still good. And I only opened it like a few weeks back.

However, it's not like I can't drink it. I just realised that given a choice between something else and Bailey's, I may not necessarily choose to buy it, unlike in the past. When I drink this, half the time it is because I like to see the stuff pour out of separate openings....lolz

Wine is still quite a constant, so is desert wines like Port and Sherry but I think I am starting to acquire a taste for stuff like D.O.M. Probably because there is always some in the house that I can't help but eventually acquire tastebuds for it. I like the smell of spices in it and mixing it with orange juice is quite nice, really. But that is the parent's domain and they haven't opened a new bottle since the last one half a year ago. I think they've forgotten all about it.

Anyway, you can probably tell by now that I'm just blogging because I cannot get to sleep. Reading doesn't work for me because I will just finish the entire book. The Tiger is almost gone and it doesn't seem to be working. I think I will just run next time. But it's almost 2 a.m. already and I should really try to sleep and hope that the Tiger does work.

Sigh..really.. I think next time? I'll just run. After bathing and all, I'm sure I'll be pooped enough to sleep.

Nightout: Jazz@Southbridge

Wonderful wonderful night.

I love live bands.
I love 'chilling' out.

I love having music running through me.


I had them all last night.

Went to Jazz at Southbridge
(There were problems linking due to the @)

I prefer jazz with less rag-time but still...wonderful wonderful lovely lovely evening.

I could be at any place, at any time there, listening to music, hypnotised by the drums and the piano.


I feel like going back to my short-lived obsession with jazz and soul. Wait.. my obsession IS back. I need to do more for my collection.

I remember why I loved it so. Music is like a dream. But jazz is like the creme de la creme of those dreams. I like funny notes like minor seconds, flats and sharps. And what's jazz?

Jazz is when you turn an ankle, while running in a field of flowers and yet you smile and say you're fine. That's the feeling it gives.

Tinkling running chromatic notes that never ceased. Off-beat drumming that sound just right. Discordant harmony.


"You-tubing" Diana Krall, Renee Olstead, Kenny G....and erm...Frank Sinatra...hahaha

A Love That Will Last

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

(Chorus)
I don't want just a memory
Gives me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that must be so
Theres something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love that will last
I want a love that will last

(Chorus)
I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz i want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till i die

So theres little more that i need
I wanna share all the air you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last