a typical busy Saturday

Tired.

Attended the rehearsal for the fund-raising school concert today even though I am technically not working anymore.

I asked myself why was I there. I felt out-of-place and I wonder if it is due to my own over-sensitivity. It was initially to be the 3 of us. But one will be in camp on the day of the concert, the other will be celebrating her birthday. That left me.

I wanted to say no and go for my CSC annual dinner at Suntec but I know myself well enough that to back out just because I am the only ex-contract teacher there is cowardly and given a choice between embarassment and despising myself for being cowardly and going back on my words, well, I chose embarassment. I think everybody is suprised at how 'dedicated' I am to the school. Letting them think that is the lesser of two 'evils'. At least I won't be seeing much of any of them after next Saturday but it will take some time before I am able to get over that 'loser' part of me.

I am trying to 'psycho' myself into thinking that nobody cares about me enough to even spare time thinking about me.

The percussion ensemble put up by the teachers went ok. I was told that I was needed because they needed more people with a sense of rhythm but the stuff was quite simple. Everything went so well without any practice. The part that I was given didn't seem as though it needed me.
Ok, I need to get over the whole negative, thinking-about-backing-out funk.

At least Fishy and some nice colleagues that I consider friends already will be there.

It was ok today even though Fish wasn't there. Got a lift and it was a nice ride. I missed riding pillion. Turnings still freak me out a little and I still love speeding along a straight road.

It was rushing to KH after. I was a bit irritated because the conductor snapped at us. Some percussies hadn't reached yet and we were still trying to get our instruments. He asked if we were ready and I told him to give us half a minute. He said, "didn't you all reach a long time ago, why is everything not ready yet?!"

Ok, I reached like 5 minutes before 4 pm and because I was famished, I was rushing to finish my food in that 5 minutes, along with ZW. I was told not to rush by the 'oldies'. I still did, mind you. I went in after, we got our scores and were in the process of moving the instruments around in the horribly cramped space and we were snapped at.

In our frenzy, I was trying to adjust the height of one instrument when the whole thing fell on my thumb and cut it. It was throbbing and I was bleeding and I couldn't understand why he was so harsh. It seems that he is always harsh towards us.

We arrived on time and yet we got snapped at for not being ready. We were in cramped surroundings and the instruments weren't exactly portable. If we had more space, we definitely could have just moved ourselves. But, the entire orchestra seemed to be expanding backwards and we were allocated little space that it actually takes me a few seconds looking around before I spied the instruments needed.

It was un-called for.

And I AM pretty sore about my thumb.

We actually had to stand in for the percussies who were not around before QQ put a plaster on my finger. I don't mind standing in for the percussies, it was just that can't people understand that it is not easy for the percussionists to ready themselves immediately especially if there is limited space?

Thoughts about taking a long break rose in my mind.

Sigh.

P/S: and...I haven't bought the latest Harry Potter book (probably will never have any time to sit down and read) if anybody is dying to know how it all ends, one can check Wiki. It's already out.