旅行的意义

Cheer has a song:

旅行的意义 - 陈绮贞

你看过了许多美景
你看过了许多美女
你迷失在地图上
每一道短暂的光阴

你品尝了夜的巴黎
你踏过下雪的北京
你熟记书本里
每一句你最爱的真理
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心
说不出离开的原因

你累计了许多飞行
你用心挑选纪念品
你收集了地图上
每一次的风和日丽
你拥抱热情的岛屿
你埋葬记忆的土耳其
你流连电影里美丽的不真实的场景
却说不出什么在场合
我曾让你分心
说不出旅行的意义

你勉强说出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你分心
说不出离开的原因
勉强说出你为我寄出的每一封信
都是你离开的原因
你离开我
就是旅行的意义

I love travelling.

I used to ask myself why.

Why do I always feel compelled to travel? It is as though every country is a stranger with a story to tell and I had to hear it all.

After I return, I sit on my bed, close my eyes, hug my knees and try to savour the various experiences one last time. That act is always so amazing. I feel as if the travelling had taken a part of me and changed me somehow.

Travelling always gives me the poignant reminder of how fleeting life is.

It's strange how the idea of travelling always brings about a heavy-sweet feeling. Granted that anticipation and excitement along with happiness is always mixed in, the dominant feeling of it all is always that heavy-pleasant feeling I have residing in my chest.

Sometimes, I think I want to travel so badly because of all those that was and can never be again. The father says it is because I read so much when I was young, I have romanticised it all. I add the colours in my head and heightened the attractiveness of it all.

Perhaps.

Perhaps the history and the glorified past have left their indelible mark on me when I buried my nose in mythology, fables and deeds of the past. Memories are more often than not enhanced in vibrant colours and leave the present faded in comparison.

I just have to walk on cobbled streets.
I just have to spend a while to watch a artist paint.
I am drawn to rickety trains just like how I like long bus rides.
Sometimes they can even make me feel like crying.

I like sitting at a cafe in a foreign country watching the world go by.

I like looking up into starry skies and getting lost in the moment before the ache in my neck forces me back to reality.

In a foreign country, I remembered sitting alone in a kitchen, nursing a cup of tea, staring at a puddle of sunlight on the floor. The beam from the sun brought so much life, I wriggled my toes and it brought an acute awareness of how alive I was.

Strangely, that was one of the strongest memory I have of that place and country.

熟记书本里 每一句最爱的真理
却说不出旅行的意义, 是否因为我迷失在地图上每一道短暂的光阴

Cambodia.

Tomorrow is Teacher's Day.

My first year of teaching and I spent it on work.

My old lappy has been giving me problems. First the USB incident then when it proved to be a false alarm, the keyboard didn't work. After I got an external keyboard, the keyboard worked again. Now it is just choked full with spyware.

Sigh. I wonder why I bother.

On trying to format the horrible lappy, I rummaged through tons of CDs and found everything except the installation CD for Toshiba that I needed. I found a few of my favourite CDs and put on one Bossa Nova CD. I remembered it as 'swinging' and romantic yet it just sounded tired and melancholy as if the songs had to play because they were in bondage. That thought struck me as horribly wrong. Just like what everybody predicted, I am starting to feel drained, as in I can feel the glooms approaching. The funniest thing is, I am not working terribly hard.

I guess its just one of those periods where after the senses get over stimulated, I just want some time to myself, a little enclosed room in the mind with no doors and windows with me, myself and I.

I've taken to reading again. After a few failures with Steven Stephen King, I've decided to give him another shot and borrowed a few books that have been adapted to movies; 'Carrie' and 'Misery'. Suprisingly, they were all right. I managed to get through the first few chapters and continue. It's been barely a week, I am on his third book already. He might be a bad choice for materials before the onset of gloom but if the shoe fits....

I think I'm giving so much energy when in the company of people that I am not radiating any energy when I am by myself. With the lowering of energy levels, I am reducing the amount of time I spent with people or at least feel reluctant when I have to.

I don't feel like orchestra, I don't feel like big gatherings. A small group or individuals is preferable with the inclination towards spending time with myself only.