I was told something I didn't quite understand. I could not comprehend the seriousness. Now I do. If over 90% can survive for more than ten years, what happens to the next ten years after? Do the statistic drop drastically after that? Some say that 90% can go on to live a normal lifespan. Does it imply an average lifespan of healthy individuals? When it comes to numbers on paper, where is our individual placing? Somehow I didn't cry but I don't know why my heart feels heavier than it has ever been.
Quelquelfois, comme aujourd'hui, je crois que la vie est rien que la tristesse.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Illogical rigidity is pure stupidity
I haven't been online much the past week. My modem died last Saturday. My computer didn't start last Sunday. I had 2 major deadlines last Monday.
The stress level peaked on Sunday and when I realised the computer couldn't start up, I sat down to cry.
I called a course-mate and tried to sound calm and composed while trying to find out what would happen if I fail to meet the deadlines. It was more than not being punctual about handing in homework. I was worried that I would fail as a result and would have to retake the modules and end up having to stay back one more semester. As MOE has really strict guidelines governing the stint at NIE, I was convinced that I would have to fork out quite a bit of money just because the computer chose to screw up on the weekend before I was to hand in the work.
It was unbelievably bad luck. It sounds like something from a script from those horrid Taiwanese never-ending family soap operas.
And so fellow course-mate told me to call the tutors to explain and ask for an extension of the deadlines. While I was considering this move, something within me roared to life and I felt a determined rage overcome me. I ran out of the house in search of a PC repair shop. After I found one, I got the brother to lug the CPU there and believe it or not, it started to drizzle.
I pleaded with the repairman and he agreed to work OT for me. The repairs cost $343.
Sigh.
Three hours later at 8 p.m, the computer finally worked albeit without a connection. I worked a few hours more and heaved a sigh of relief when I printed the stuff. I went to sleep and woke up early for the 8.30 class.
And I also gave the technical helpdesk of Singnet hell.
I was very very annoyed when the modem couldn't work and the system was so rigid, it was ridiculous.
First of all, when the modem failed on Saturday night, I called Singtel to get the Singnet helpdesk number. I was required to key in my Broadband number and the system failed to recognise it. I thought I made a mistake and called Singtel again who promptly told me to dial 1610 for Singnet sales inquiry to get the Broadband number.
For your infomation, 1610 only operates until 6 pm.
I called Singtel again and asked nicely to be transferred to Singnet technical helpdesk straight. The operator said she couldn't and gave me the number to dial again. Exasperated, I rose my voice a notch and firmly explained why I needed her to connect me to Singnet technical helpdesk. I clarified that the Broadband number was my house number and then told her that the [bloody] system didn't recognise my Broadband number !! There was no way I could get though.
In the end she made me hold, probably to consult her superior and in the end her superior came to the phone, I had to explain again and he agreed to connect me to the Singnet helpdesk.
When I finally got through, I explained my problem very nicely again and I was told to perform a series of troubleshooting before calling back. I informed the operator that the system didn't recognise my Broadband number and he told me it was impossible. If I couldn't get through, I should just press any 8-digit house number and should be able to get through.
When I tried that, it didn't work.
Fantastic.
And bear in mind, with all these, I had to hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold !!!
In the end I called Singtel and asked to be put through to Singnet again. I mean I was really sorry for having to bother them but.. yeah...the whole system is really quite screwed.
And the conclusion Singnet technical helpdesk was that the fault could lie with the line on my side, the modem or the line on their side. And then the man proceeded to inform me that they can only schedule a check on Tuesday.
I told him I have deadlines on Monday to meet.
He said that there isn't enough manpower.
I asked if he could check the line on his side.
He said no. The people will only check it before they come down on Tuesday.
I was starting to get infuriated.
And then I engulfed him in a verbal wave. I told him that the way I understand it was that there are 3 causes to the problem.
1. connection on my side
2. modem
3. connection on their side
I have been on the line almost 2 hours because I couldn't get through due to their so-called system not recognising my Broadband number. I had to call Singtel to transfer me over twice even though they had reassured earlier I shouldn't have any problems getting though and when I finally could get though, they are telling me that they cannot help me?!
It's ridiculous.
The man started to tell me that he was helping me. I told him that I have deadlines to meet on Monday and since they are only coming down on Tuesday and in a sense not doing anything for me....NOPE, they are not helping me !! I mean the system didn't even recognise my Broadband number. He told me that it was a different system.
I told him that if they have no manpower to come down and check my line and I have to wait 3 days, I can possibly maybe probably accept that explanation even though I think it is ridiculous. It's Singnet for goodness sake. Why do I have to wait 3 days to get my line checked? It's so inefficient!!! It says a lot about their service. Pui !!!
If it is my modem I can solve the problem myself but there is no way I can check if the line is working fine over there. Can't they simply conduct a check for me.
He said "No..because it has to go through the system and they can only do it before the man comes on Tuesday."
Why is the system so rigid?!! There has to be people behind the system.
His only defence was that, "It's the system..."
Why am coming up with alternatives for them? Why am I doing their work for them?!!
And so I told him that there have to be people behind the system. Can't he just call that department to do a check?
Nope, they can't.
I was boiling then already.
I told him I wanted to speak to someone who can make decisions. I wanted to speak to his supervisor. He told me that his supervisor wasn't in. I said, "Fine...can you get him to call me tomorrow?"
He told me that it would still be the same because everything has to go through the system. I think any more talk about the system I will just explode. I told him I just want someone who can make decisions to call me tomorrow morning. Will I get a call tomorrow? He said, "Yes" so I said "Ok" and hung up.
The next morning, someone called at 9+ a.m to inform me that they will be sending someone down at 11 a.m.
I mean I thought of you, Gan and I was trying to be calm and firm. But....if a system is so rigid that it results in inefficiency, there is seriously something wrong with the system.
I am a logical rational consumer. I do understand if it is a peak season and a company has to take 3 days to schedule a line check. I did not demand that they come the next day (even though I still think it is ridiculous for a mega-conglomerate to not employ enough workers to sustain efficiency) but I do not understand why they cannot just do a check on the connection on their side.
I mean how difficult can it be to check the connection on their side? They do not even need to get out of a chair, ok maybe it takes an additional few calls here and there. The way I envision it is probably they have to justify why they are checking the connection which is not part of a normal procedure. They can put the reason down to a rabid consumer, I do not care. Even if it is part of a code, they should be able to get past the computer system.
The point is...IT CAN BE DONE !!!
Why do people have to let such rules dictate whatever they do?
*grrr
stupid rigid people
The stress level peaked on Sunday and when I realised the computer couldn't start up, I sat down to cry.
I called a course-mate and tried to sound calm and composed while trying to find out what would happen if I fail to meet the deadlines. It was more than not being punctual about handing in homework. I was worried that I would fail as a result and would have to retake the modules and end up having to stay back one more semester. As MOE has really strict guidelines governing the stint at NIE, I was convinced that I would have to fork out quite a bit of money just because the computer chose to screw up on the weekend before I was to hand in the work.
It was unbelievably bad luck. It sounds like something from a script from those horrid Taiwanese never-ending family soap operas.
And so fellow course-mate told me to call the tutors to explain and ask for an extension of the deadlines. While I was considering this move, something within me roared to life and I felt a determined rage overcome me. I ran out of the house in search of a PC repair shop. After I found one, I got the brother to lug the CPU there and believe it or not, it started to drizzle.
I pleaded with the repairman and he agreed to work OT for me. The repairs cost $343.
Sigh.
Three hours later at 8 p.m, the computer finally worked albeit without a connection. I worked a few hours more and heaved a sigh of relief when I printed the stuff. I went to sleep and woke up early for the 8.30 class.
And I also gave the technical helpdesk of Singnet hell.
I was very very annoyed when the modem couldn't work and the system was so rigid, it was ridiculous.
First of all, when the modem failed on Saturday night, I called Singtel to get the Singnet helpdesk number. I was required to key in my Broadband number and the system failed to recognise it. I thought I made a mistake and called Singtel again who promptly told me to dial 1610 for Singnet sales inquiry to get the Broadband number.
For your infomation, 1610 only operates until 6 pm.
I called Singtel again and asked nicely to be transferred to Singnet technical helpdesk straight. The operator said she couldn't and gave me the number to dial again. Exasperated, I rose my voice a notch and firmly explained why I needed her to connect me to Singnet technical helpdesk. I clarified that the Broadband number was my house number and then told her that the [bloody] system didn't recognise my Broadband number !! There was no way I could get though.
In the end she made me hold, probably to consult her superior and in the end her superior came to the phone, I had to explain again and he agreed to connect me to the Singnet helpdesk.
When I finally got through, I explained my problem very nicely again and I was told to perform a series of troubleshooting before calling back. I informed the operator that the system didn't recognise my Broadband number and he told me it was impossible. If I couldn't get through, I should just press any 8-digit house number and should be able to get through.
When I tried that, it didn't work.
Fantastic.
And bear in mind, with all these, I had to hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold and hold !!!
In the end I called Singtel and asked to be put through to Singnet again. I mean I was really sorry for having to bother them but.. yeah...the whole system is really quite screwed.
And the conclusion Singnet technical helpdesk was that the fault could lie with the line on my side, the modem or the line on their side. And then the man proceeded to inform me that they can only schedule a check on Tuesday.
I told him I have deadlines on Monday to meet.
He said that there isn't enough manpower.
I asked if he could check the line on his side.
He said no. The people will only check it before they come down on Tuesday.
I was starting to get infuriated.
And then I engulfed him in a verbal wave. I told him that the way I understand it was that there are 3 causes to the problem.
1. connection on my side
2. modem
3. connection on their side
I have been on the line almost 2 hours because I couldn't get through due to their so-called system not recognising my Broadband number. I had to call Singtel to transfer me over twice even though they had reassured earlier I shouldn't have any problems getting though and when I finally could get though, they are telling me that they cannot help me?!
It's ridiculous.
The man started to tell me that he was helping me. I told him that I have deadlines to meet on Monday and since they are only coming down on Tuesday and in a sense not doing anything for me....NOPE, they are not helping me !! I mean the system didn't even recognise my Broadband number. He told me that it was a different system.
I told him that if they have no manpower to come down and check my line and I have to wait 3 days, I can possibly maybe probably accept that explanation even though I think it is ridiculous. It's Singnet for goodness sake. Why do I have to wait 3 days to get my line checked? It's so inefficient!!! It says a lot about their service. Pui !!!
If it is my modem I can solve the problem myself but there is no way I can check if the line is working fine over there. Can't they simply conduct a check for me.
He said "No..because it has to go through the system and they can only do it before the man comes on Tuesday."
Why is the system so rigid?!! There has to be people behind the system.
His only defence was that, "It's the system..."
Why am coming up with alternatives for them? Why am I doing their work for them?!!
And so I told him that there have to be people behind the system. Can't he just call that department to do a check?
Nope, they can't.
I was boiling then already.
I told him I wanted to speak to someone who can make decisions. I wanted to speak to his supervisor. He told me that his supervisor wasn't in. I said, "Fine...can you get him to call me tomorrow?"
He told me that it would still be the same because everything has to go through the system. I think any more talk about the system I will just explode. I told him I just want someone who can make decisions to call me tomorrow morning. Will I get a call tomorrow? He said, "Yes" so I said "Ok" and hung up.
The next morning, someone called at 9+ a.m to inform me that they will be sending someone down at 11 a.m.
I mean I thought of you, Gan and I was trying to be calm and firm. But....if a system is so rigid that it results in inefficiency, there is seriously something wrong with the system.
I am a logical rational consumer. I do understand if it is a peak season and a company has to take 3 days to schedule a line check. I did not demand that they come the next day (even though I still think it is ridiculous for a mega-conglomerate to not employ enough workers to sustain efficiency) but I do not understand why they cannot just do a check on the connection on their side.
I mean how difficult can it be to check the connection on their side? They do not even need to get out of a chair, ok maybe it takes an additional few calls here and there. The way I envision it is probably they have to justify why they are checking the connection which is not part of a normal procedure. They can put the reason down to a rabid consumer, I do not care. Even if it is part of a code, they should be able to get past the computer system.
The point is...IT CAN BE DONE !!!
Why do people have to let such rules dictate whatever they do?
*grrr
stupid rigid people
Thursday, November 1, 2007
no connection
The modem is spoilt. No home connection for this week. Shall leave the massive complaining to after I've got the connection reinstated.
That's all for now.
That's all for now.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Wherein I pass my driving test the first time round !!!
Amongst the more exciting things that have happened since the concerts that I've attended weeks ago, I've been sick and I've passed my driving FIRST-TIME round.
I didn't go to see a doctor until I was almost recovered. I had a horrible throat infection you see. The doctor prescribed antibiotics, flu medicine and cough syrup. I got a nasal spray for my allergies (FINALLY). Doctors I've seen before told me that I didn't have asthma and only were prepared to give me pills for runny nose or the breathing difficulties I sometimes experienced. They say that my breathing passages constrict but not excessively enough to deem it as asthma. They always asked for me to monitor my situation.......BLEAH
I finally got it this time and it was quite expensive, costing $25. The whole trip to the doctor cost me $50+. Super painful for me since I am trying to defray costs. However it seems that every month I must experience unexpected one-time-off events that have nothing to do with food, transport or even the spending allowance I set aside.
I over-spend every month.
OUCH !!
Oh of course the driving licence is another 50 bucks this month and it is barely one week after pay day.
Sigh.....sometimes I wonder why money just disappear so fast.
Of course on driving. I was exceedingly grateful that I got through the first time. I wasn't nervous, in fact I was as calm as I could be. I have more skirts and shorts than jeans, what to mix and match? In fact having heard how the gentle half of the population got through by wearing mini-skirts, I wonder if I should just wear whatever I want and look good so that I will feel good. Almost immediately, the idea was trashed in favour of more practical clothing. it was a dilemma between looking good and getting a confidence boost or comfort for practical purposes. I calmly reasoned that the more comfortable I am, the better I would be at presenting my driving skills which should be exhibited. I was somewhat feeling quite secured.
Everything went quite smoothly during the trial except for tagging too closely and failing to check blind spots etc...
During the test.....
I struck the kerb once during vertical parking and I failed to park a straight car into the lot even after the tester gave me another shot at it. I was going.. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" in my head because I couldn't tell if I had mounted or struck the kerb. If I had mounted the kerb, it would be an immediate failure and I thought I felt the car go up....
The tester gave rapid instructions and kept reiterating his instructions when I fail to respond within 2 seconds. He would say turn left and then turn right and then if within 2 seconds the car that had veered left had not veer right, he would repeat for the car to turn right.
Believe me ......if it was anybody else issuing orders in that tone, I would have smacked him.
Oh then my car stalled in the feeder lane.
I went "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" again in my head but I took heart in the fact that he cannot fail nor give me demerit points for the stalling of the engine.
Everything else went quite all right.
The tester followed me after we got out of the car to the briefing room. I was quite strickened because I still didn't know if I had mounted that kerb !!! He refused to say anything and I was too in fear of him to ask. He seemed quite unfriendly.
And then after we sat at the table in a little booth for him to brief me, he started off telling me that I have struck the kerb. I was pursing my lips the whole of the test after the vertical parking segment and I gave him a woebegone face but I heaved a sigh of relief within. He then proceeded to inform me that my engine had stalled.
I bit my lips. He asked me if I knew where it had stalled. Being treated like an errant child, I couldn't help acting like an errant child. "Errr...erm...outside the school...er...the filter lane there..."
"Why did it stall?!!"
"err...let go of the clutch too soon?" I offered in a small voice.
He turned his attention to the evaluation paper and calculated the marks. When he wrote a brisk 16. I couldn't help but broke into a smile. He asked if it was my first driving test and I said yes.
He signed the paper and said, "Ok lah.. driving not too bad..proceed to the first floor"
I couldn't contain my excitement and before I left, I thought I saw a hint of a smile tugging at his stern lips.
Chups - passed driving the first time round !!
The same as the father and the cousin-uncle. It runs in the family !!
Of course the father still doesn't know I've got my licence, though the mother knows.
Now...to indulge in more interesting activities closer to the heart!!
I didn't go to see a doctor until I was almost recovered. I had a horrible throat infection you see. The doctor prescribed antibiotics, flu medicine and cough syrup. I got a nasal spray for my allergies (FINALLY). Doctors I've seen before told me that I didn't have asthma and only were prepared to give me pills for runny nose or the breathing difficulties I sometimes experienced. They say that my breathing passages constrict but not excessively enough to deem it as asthma. They always asked for me to monitor my situation.......BLEAH
I finally got it this time and it was quite expensive, costing $25. The whole trip to the doctor cost me $50+. Super painful for me since I am trying to defray costs. However it seems that every month I must experience unexpected one-time-off events that have nothing to do with food, transport or even the spending allowance I set aside.
I over-spend every month.
OUCH !!
Oh of course the driving licence is another 50 bucks this month and it is barely one week after pay day.
Sigh.....sometimes I wonder why money just disappear so fast.
Of course on driving. I was exceedingly grateful that I got through the first time. I wasn't nervous, in fact I was as calm as I could be. I have more skirts and shorts than jeans, what to mix and match? In fact having heard how the gentle half of the population got through by wearing mini-skirts, I wonder if I should just wear whatever I want and look good so that I will feel good. Almost immediately, the idea was trashed in favour of more practical clothing. it was a dilemma between looking good and getting a confidence boost or comfort for practical purposes. I calmly reasoned that the more comfortable I am, the better I would be at presenting my driving skills which should be exhibited. I was somewhat feeling quite secured.
Everything went quite smoothly during the trial except for tagging too closely and failing to check blind spots etc...
During the test.....
I struck the kerb once during vertical parking and I failed to park a straight car into the lot even after the tester gave me another shot at it. I was going.. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" in my head because I couldn't tell if I had mounted or struck the kerb. If I had mounted the kerb, it would be an immediate failure and I thought I felt the car go up....
The tester gave rapid instructions and kept reiterating his instructions when I fail to respond within 2 seconds. He would say turn left and then turn right and then if within 2 seconds the car that had veered left had not veer right, he would repeat for the car to turn right.
Believe me ......if it was anybody else issuing orders in that tone, I would have smacked him.
Oh then my car stalled in the feeder lane.
I went "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" again in my head but I took heart in the fact that he cannot fail nor give me demerit points for the stalling of the engine.
Everything else went quite all right.
The tester followed me after we got out of the car to the briefing room. I was quite strickened because I still didn't know if I had mounted that kerb !!! He refused to say anything and I was too in fear of him to ask. He seemed quite unfriendly.
And then after we sat at the table in a little booth for him to brief me, he started off telling me that I have struck the kerb. I was pursing my lips the whole of the test after the vertical parking segment and I gave him a woebegone face but I heaved a sigh of relief within. He then proceeded to inform me that my engine had stalled.
I bit my lips. He asked me if I knew where it had stalled. Being treated like an errant child, I couldn't help acting like an errant child. "Errr...erm...outside the school...er...the filter lane there..."
"Why did it stall?!!"
"err...let go of the clutch too soon?" I offered in a small voice.
He turned his attention to the evaluation paper and calculated the marks. When he wrote a brisk 16. I couldn't help but broke into a smile. He asked if it was my first driving test and I said yes.
He signed the paper and said, "Ok lah.. driving not too bad..proceed to the first floor"
I couldn't contain my excitement and before I left, I thought I saw a hint of a smile tugging at his stern lips.
Chups - passed driving the first time round !!
The same as the father and the cousin-uncle. It runs in the family !!
Of course the father still doesn't know I've got my licence, though the mother knows.
Now...to indulge in more interesting activities closer to the heart!!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Concerts and Music
(SUPER BACKDATED)
上个星期......陈绮贞
这个星期......巫启贤
下个星期......张震岳
Cheer Chen:
Initially I was disappointed at the simplicity of Cheer's concert. It had a relatively small audience. $80 seemed too steep a price to pay. However as the night went on, her music gave me a certain peace that I haven't experienced in a while. Cheer's concert was surreal. I loved her music and her 'indie' music worked the crowd. People stood up and sang along with her. I stood on the chair. The amazing thing was because everything was so simple. No fanciful stage elements, no charismatic talk to work the crowd, just her continual singing for two and a half hours.
Plus a five time encore.
It was the first concert I've been to where the singer came out to give an encore after the lights came on. Nobody wanted to leave nor did I want an end to the night. I've always known I have an unexplicable love for her music and that night the love, together with the inability to reason that love, deepened. The end of the concert filled me with a tinge of sorrow. Her music calls out to me, despite my recognition that her music is not pretty nor fanciful. I know why I like certain music and how I could see them and feel them, like the wind, like the tinkling drops of the rain, like brilliant summer days or gentle warm sunsets. I know why I like colourful music or simple monochrome ones, why I like swinging bossa nova ones or discordants ones, why I like decorum classicals or oriental Chinese music. Yet sometimes, I cannot understand Cheer's songs. I cannot translate it through any of my senses. Her music are like pieces of white paper that I do not understand and sometimes I think it is the unknown that draws me so closely.
Her songs are imbudded with quiet strength, like wildflowers that nobody recognises nor adore yet like wildflowers which dots the valleys and brings life, sometimes I think that her songs are life itself; inexplicable, mysterious, filled with inner courage and strength that transcends beyond words.
Sometimes, I just wish I could allow myself more respite and remain in another dimension, not having to face up to reality.
I didn't want her concert to end.
巫启贤
Initially, the concert wasn't impressive. In fact it was almost disappointing. The first few songs that he started with seemed to sound better on CD.
And the crowd was weird. Somebody brought posters with the chinese character 站 (stand) and eventually everybody stood. The crowd was like so dead and it was the first time I've seen someone actually succeed in working a dead crowd and the result was a robotic crowd.
Don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that everybody enjoyed the concert, they were just so passive that even after being made to somewhat display enthusiasm, passive enthusiasm is the result.
I remembered the last time 张震岳 came with MC Hotdogs, they were good ! Ok, he gradually sounded better. I guess it was due to the nature of the newer songs which sound better with simple acoustic guitars, and the simplicity of the event didn't allow for too much back-up.
The new songs were good and it's strange but Zhang Zhen Yue and Cheer always seemed like the voice of Taiwan more like anybody elses'.
The general feeling of Zhang Zhen Yue I get is images of long winding mountain roads with the sun brilliant and the wind blowing through my hair.
It feels as though I should even swagger a bit when listening to him.
I like him because I like his songs.
I like his songs because I could see character and mayhap a bit if 'thumbing up' in them. I like his songs because of the edge to his songs.
I bought his CD and got it autographed !! *beams
I am uber happy !!
Thanks Uncle for being so gracious to allow little me to go wih him........
Ok that's the end of my being sweet.. PUI PUI !!
Luckily Uncle got me to bring him to the venue plus I provided entertainment lor. I lost count of the number of times I suffered from his malicious attacks for self-entertainment ...*sobs...
.
.
.
I really really love music.
I love the way it can resonate through my entire being and the centre of my chest, the place next to my heart vibrates. It becomes music that I can actually physically feel.
Sometimes the hunger gets so bad like now that I don't know what to do with it. Only then I will realise that my need for it is so intense. Music in all shape and form makes me feel so much, I can liken it to experiencing the awe of seeing a painting like the Mona Lisa for the first time, each and every time and I really crave it.
I cannot live without music.
If you ask me, would I choose sight or hearing, I would choose sight. Because I would not know how to function if I am blind. I would rather be dead than to be without pride.
But if you ask me, would I choose to see without colour or hear without music, I would choose to see live in a monochrome world. Because even if I am able to hear, I would not be whole without music.
..and then....there is still tons of unfinished theory homework... (>.<)
上个星期......陈绮贞
这个星期......巫启贤
下个星期......张震岳
Cheer Chen:
Initially I was disappointed at the simplicity of Cheer's concert. It had a relatively small audience. $80 seemed too steep a price to pay. However as the night went on, her music gave me a certain peace that I haven't experienced in a while. Cheer's concert was surreal. I loved her music and her 'indie' music worked the crowd. People stood up and sang along with her. I stood on the chair. The amazing thing was because everything was so simple. No fanciful stage elements, no charismatic talk to work the crowd, just her continual singing for two and a half hours.
Plus a five time encore.
It was the first concert I've been to where the singer came out to give an encore after the lights came on. Nobody wanted to leave nor did I want an end to the night. I've always known I have an unexplicable love for her music and that night the love, together with the inability to reason that love, deepened. The end of the concert filled me with a tinge of sorrow. Her music calls out to me, despite my recognition that her music is not pretty nor fanciful. I know why I like certain music and how I could see them and feel them, like the wind, like the tinkling drops of the rain, like brilliant summer days or gentle warm sunsets. I know why I like colourful music or simple monochrome ones, why I like swinging bossa nova ones or discordants ones, why I like decorum classicals or oriental Chinese music. Yet sometimes, I cannot understand Cheer's songs. I cannot translate it through any of my senses. Her music are like pieces of white paper that I do not understand and sometimes I think it is the unknown that draws me so closely.
Her songs are imbudded with quiet strength, like wildflowers that nobody recognises nor adore yet like wildflowers which dots the valleys and brings life, sometimes I think that her songs are life itself; inexplicable, mysterious, filled with inner courage and strength that transcends beyond words.
Sometimes, I just wish I could allow myself more respite and remain in another dimension, not having to face up to reality.
I didn't want her concert to end.
巫启贤
To tell the truth, I had second thoughts about attending the concert. It was so far away.. at the other end of the island and KH had organised a trip to a fish farm owned by the father of a member for a belated mid-autumn celebration and word has it that it would be gone soon as they are going to have to move.
Such a dilemma.
In the end I decided to attend after all.
I thought the turnout would be average. I asked Nana how many tickets were left and she said 100. Next I asked about the seating capacity and I was told it was about 5000. I was stunned. And to think I was wondering if I should regret my decision.
I met Nana and her teacher Peter 老师 and it was my second time meeting him after the movie premier of 881 in July. It was pretty sweet that he remembered me. I guess because he is related to the entertainment industry and all and he must see lots of people very frequently so I didn't expect him to remember people he cross path every now and then.
Our seats were good. Centre block, middle of the third row. Mr Liang Wen Fu sat two rows directly in front of me. Li Fei Hui sat at the other end of the second row. His family and close friends took up the first two rows and Eric Moo's brother was a hunk !!!
After the concert, I could see girls actually rushing to take pictures with him.
Eric Moo's concert brought back a lot of memories. I was very moved as I listened to the old songs and we sang and sang. At certain points in time, I actually put a hand to my heart because I remembered the past so vividly and I was so moved as the scenes came to me one after another.
While we listened, while we sang, I caught the eye of a woman sitting diagonally in front of me. Her daughter slept in her lap. It was a very special moment when we held each other's gaze and we smiled.
Music is just so strong.....in bonding people, in evoking shared memories of the good old days. It doesn't matter what kind of memories you had. The past...it means the same to all of us.
Anyway I think the family and friends took notice of us because we were so exuberant, not to mention, young. When Eric Moo said to give him 30 seconds to prepare, we counted down. People in front turned back to look at us and laughed. We sang along. We cheered, shrieked, clapped and shouted for encore.
There was even an auntie who claimed she was part of Eric Moo's clan in Taiwan and asked for our numbers. Nana and I looked at each other and she hurriedly said that our emails will do fine too...In the end we gave her our emails, not that she has contacted us anyway... haha
After people didn't leave and continued to crowd around the front despite how the packing of the instruments have already started.... and the lights were all switched on...and Eric Moo finally came out in T-shirts, bermudas and sport shoes...having already changed out.
I think he intended to just thank the crowd for our enthusiasm but someone passed him a microphone and there was an uproar from the crowd upon seeing the microphone in his hands.
In the end he gave an encore with only his voice.
I gave Nana a hug and thanked her for letting me go with her. I love music so much that I am always extremely grateful to Nana for remembering that.
On the way out, his CD's were sold out and then someone passed me a poster of him.
It was an emotionally fulfilling night.
张震岳Initially, the concert wasn't impressive. In fact it was almost disappointing. The first few songs that he started with seemed to sound better on CD.
And the crowd was weird. Somebody brought posters with the chinese character 站 (stand) and eventually everybody stood. The crowd was like so dead and it was the first time I've seen someone actually succeed in working a dead crowd and the result was a robotic crowd.
Don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that everybody enjoyed the concert, they were just so passive that even after being made to somewhat display enthusiasm, passive enthusiasm is the result.
I remembered the last time 张震岳 came with MC Hotdogs, they were good ! Ok, he gradually sounded better. I guess it was due to the nature of the newer songs which sound better with simple acoustic guitars, and the simplicity of the event didn't allow for too much back-up.
The new songs were good and it's strange but Zhang Zhen Yue and Cheer always seemed like the voice of Taiwan more like anybody elses'.
The general feeling of Zhang Zhen Yue I get is images of long winding mountain roads with the sun brilliant and the wind blowing through my hair.
It feels as though I should even swagger a bit when listening to him.
I like him because I like his songs.
I like his songs because I could see character and mayhap a bit if 'thumbing up' in them. I like his songs because of the edge to his songs.
I bought his CD and got it autographed !! *beams
I am uber happy !!
Thanks Uncle for being so gracious to allow little me to go wih him........
Ok that's the end of my being sweet.. PUI PUI !!
Luckily Uncle got me to bring him to the venue plus I provided entertainment lor. I lost count of the number of times I suffered from his malicious attacks for self-entertainment ...*sobs...
.
.
.
I really really love music.
I love the way it can resonate through my entire being and the centre of my chest, the place next to my heart vibrates. It becomes music that I can actually physically feel.
Sometimes the hunger gets so bad like now that I don't know what to do with it. Only then I will realise that my need for it is so intense. Music in all shape and form makes me feel so much, I can liken it to experiencing the awe of seeing a painting like the Mona Lisa for the first time, each and every time and I really crave it.
I cannot live without music.
If you ask me, would I choose sight or hearing, I would choose sight. Because I would not know how to function if I am blind. I would rather be dead than to be without pride.
But if you ask me, would I choose to see without colour or hear without music, I would choose to see live in a monochrome world. Because even if I am able to hear, I would not be whole without music.
..and then....there is still tons of unfinished theory homework... (>.<)
Friday, September 14, 2007
旅行的意义
Cheer has a song:
你看过了许多美景
你看过了许多美女
你迷失在地图上
每一道短暂的光阴
你品尝了夜的巴黎
你踏过下雪的北京
你熟记书本里
每一句你最爱的真理
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心
说不出离开的原因
你累计了许多飞行
你用心挑选纪念品
你收集了地图上
每一次的风和日丽
你拥抱热情的岛屿
你埋葬记忆的土耳其
你流连电影里美丽的不真实的场景
却说不出什么在场合
我曾让你分心
说不出旅行的意义
你勉强说出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你分心
说不出离开的原因
勉强说出你为我寄出的每一封信
都是你离开的原因
你离开我
就是旅行的意义
I love travelling.
I used to ask myself why.
Why do I always feel compelled to travel? It is as though every country is a stranger with a story to tell and I had to hear it all.
After I return, I sit on my bed, close my eyes, hug my knees and try to savour the various experiences one last time. That act is always so amazing. I feel as if the travelling had taken a part of me and changed me somehow.
Travelling always gives me the poignant reminder of how fleeting life is.
It's strange how the idea of travelling always brings about a heavy-sweet feeling. Granted that anticipation and excitement along with happiness is always mixed in, the dominant feeling of it all is always that heavy-pleasant feeling I have residing in my chest.
Sometimes, I think I want to travel so badly because of all those that was and can never be again. The father says it is because I read so much when I was young, I have romanticised it all. I add the colours in my head and heightened the attractiveness of it all.
Perhaps.
Perhaps the history and the glorified past have left their indelible mark on me when I buried my nose in mythology, fables and deeds of the past. Memories are more often than not enhanced in vibrant colours and leave the present faded in comparison.
I just have to walk on cobbled streets.
I just have to spend a while to watch a artist paint.
I am drawn to rickety trains just like how I like long bus rides.
Sometimes they can even make me feel like crying.
I like sitting at a cafe in a foreign country watching the world go by.
I like looking up into starry skies and getting lost in the moment before the ache in my neck forces me back to reality.
In a foreign country, I remembered sitting alone in a kitchen, nursing a cup of tea, staring at a puddle of sunlight on the floor. The beam from the sun brought so much life, I wriggled my toes and it brought an acute awareness of how alive I was.
Strangely, that was one of the strongest memory I have of that place and country.
熟记书本里 每一句最爱的真理
却说不出旅行的意义, 是否因为我迷失在地图上每一道短暂的光阴
Cambodia.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Tomorrow is Teacher's Day.
My first year of teaching and I spent it on work.
My old lappy has been giving me problems. First the USB incident then when it proved to be a false alarm, the keyboard didn't work. After I got an external keyboard, the keyboard worked again. Now it is just choked full with spyware.
Sigh. I wonder why I bother.
On trying to format the horrible lappy, I rummaged through tons of CDs and found everything except the installation CD for Toshiba that I needed. I found a few of my favourite CDs and put on one Bossa Nova CD. I remembered it as 'swinging' and romantic yet it just sounded tired and melancholy as if the songs had to play because they were in bondage. That thought struck me as horribly wrong. Just like what everybody predicted, I am starting to feel drained, as in I can feel the glooms approaching. The funniest thing is, I am not working terribly hard.
I guess its just one of those periods where after the senses get over stimulated, I just want some time to myself, a little enclosed room in the mind with no doors and windows with me, myself and I.
I've taken to reading again. After a few failures withSteven Stephen King, I've decided to give him another shot and borrowed a few books that have been adapted to movies; 'Carrie' and 'Misery'. Suprisingly, they were all right. I managed to get through the first few chapters and continue. It's been barely a week, I am on his third book already. He might be a bad choice for materials before the onset of gloom but if the shoe fits....
I think I'm giving so much energy when in the company of people that I am not radiating any energy when I am by myself. With the lowering of energy levels, I am reducing the amount of time I spent with people or at least feel reluctant when I have to.
I don't feel like orchestra, I don't feel like big gatherings. A small group or individuals is preferable with the inclination towards spending time with myself only.
My first year of teaching and I spent it on work.
My old lappy has been giving me problems. First the USB incident then when it proved to be a false alarm, the keyboard didn't work. After I got an external keyboard, the keyboard worked again. Now it is just choked full with spyware.
Sigh. I wonder why I bother.
On trying to format the horrible lappy, I rummaged through tons of CDs and found everything except the installation CD for Toshiba that I needed. I found a few of my favourite CDs and put on one Bossa Nova CD. I remembered it as 'swinging' and romantic yet it just sounded tired and melancholy as if the songs had to play because they were in bondage. That thought struck me as horribly wrong. Just like what everybody predicted, I am starting to feel drained, as in I can feel the glooms approaching. The funniest thing is, I am not working terribly hard.
I guess its just one of those periods where after the senses get over stimulated, I just want some time to myself, a little enclosed room in the mind with no doors and windows with me, myself and I.
I've taken to reading again. After a few failures with
I think I'm giving so much energy when in the company of people that I am not radiating any energy when I am by myself. With the lowering of energy levels, I am reducing the amount of time I spent with people or at least feel reluctant when I have to.
I don't feel like orchestra, I don't feel like big gatherings. A small group or individuals is preferable with the inclination towards spending time with myself only.
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